The Final Strike
by Ceasefire
Summary: [HavocRoy, heavy manga spoilers] As he reached up to grab Havoc’s wrist as Havoc vented every frustration and sadness, Roy realized his Second Lieutenant’s skin was still warm.


And now, the angst. Beware of Chapter 44 spoilers, brief sexual scenesand the fact that I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

* * *

The index finger of Colonel Mustang's single bandaged hand ran aimlessly along the spine of the book he was reading, and Havoc watched his superior's subconscious movement, up and down in a perfectly straight line countless times, until he felt dizzy.

"What are you reading, Boss?"

"It doesn't matter."

Havoc smiled weakly and made an attempt at pulling himself higher onto the bed that he deemed pitiful.

"Would you be reading it if it wasn't important?"

Mustang's brow furrowed and he thumbed idly at the corner of the page.

"No, probably not."

Jean had always known that Roy kept plenty of secrets to himself, but since the officer had arrived today with fake sympathy and a small pile of papers that he couldn't even bring himself to look at yet, it seemed to make him hurt.

"When are you being discharged from the hospital?"

"I don't know. I'll be damned if I wait until they think I'm ready, though."

"Heh... well, even if they don't let you loose soon, at least you'll have company."

For the first time since they had started talking, the Colonel's eyes left the page and Havoc was able to catch a glimpse of a diagram of the spine as he snapped the book shut.

"I thought your mother was coming to..."

"She's coming to sign for the medical bills. I can't afford them."

Roy looked away, and flipped the book back open so quickly that some would have deemed it impatient.

"Then you don't know when you'll be out of here?"

"Even when I do get out of here, I won't be able to follow you immediately."

"Havoc..."

"Sir, I'm already falling behind."

"Jean..."

"Roy, don't do this," the blond's fist curled around a handful of itchy blue hospital blanket.

The silence between the two of them stretched over what seemed like such a long time after that exchange that Roy almost felt a aching stab of relief when the nurse came to fetch him for more tests. This was quickly replaced with a heavy sense of guilt when he looked back at the last moment before the girl closed the door to meet blue eyes that were shadowed with sorrow.

* * *

_Divine retribution, they called it. Now they are being punished for my shortcomings._

Roy had watched Knox leave without so much as a single look back. Knox gave no hope to the hopeless, never gave fake light to a situation so dark.

Once Roy had almost appreciated this quality, but this time the older man left him feeling like he was going to be sick.

_It's probably hopeless, you know..._

A few minutes later, Breda had extended his leave in order to give them all a brief moment of hope.

A day later, Roy watched Breda walk towards him, and sit down heavily next to him.

"I failed."

_"Do whatever it takes. Go!"_

He was going to have to start following his own philosophy again. So close yet so far from healing him at the instant he was injured, and left to watch his subordinate's lifeblood drain away into the cracks between the rubble they had caused not even a minutes before in their attempt to kill the homunculus.

_Roy looked down at the pale skin under his fingertips, and the contrast it held to the bright red sigil he had just carved into his hand. He poised his fingers, ready to snap._

_"I'm so sorry."_

Divine retribution was a painful blow to the faithless.

* * *

As he reached up to grab Havoc's wrist as Havoc vented every frustration and sadness, Roy realized his Second Lieutenant's skin was still warm. The last time he had been able to touch him he had been so cold that the shock almost made Roy recoil.

He hardened his resolve and gently tugged Jean's hand away from his collar.

"Fine. I'll leave you here."

_I can't leave you here. You're my home._

"I'll leave you here, so you've got to catch up."

_I would carry you if I could._

"I'll see you at the top."

_If I can reach that high without your help._

Hawkeye told him later, much by the fault of slip of the tongue, that Jean had wondered out loud for several minutes how he could be so naïve about the situation. Roy had chuckled bitterly and thought that love often made you that way.

* * *

That night, behind closed doors and veiled moonlight, Roy was once again trembling at the warmth of Jean's skin as the blond pressed his palm across his mouth so as not to alert the nursing staff that he was still here. Roy gasped for air around his lover's hand and the lingering, possessive scent of himself on Jean's skin as he leaned in at gently pressed his lips to the pressure point in Jean's neck as he rode out the waves of his own finality whilst finding simple satisfaction in feeling the blond's skin jump and steel against his fingers as they ran under his blue hospital gown and he rested his hands flat against his lover's shoulder blades. A moment later, when Jean's face changed under the feathered moonlight filtering through the window, Roy tugged him close and kissed him, revelling in the warm, familiar rush and the feeling of utter completion as climax took his lover and brought them together.

When Roy moved to get off Jean's lap he was shaking so badly that Jean had to lean over and do his best to support his lover until Roy's feet are back on flat ground.

No words passed between them in the time it took for Roy to toss Jean a moist cloth from the small bathroom leading on from the room's bathroom, nor in the time it takes Roy to do up all the complex buttons and clasps on his uniform. All words that could have been said were conveyed in their final kiss goodbye, Havoc grabbing Mustang's collar again with more force that intended to tug him closer and run his tongue along his superior's bottom lip.

_I could never leave you behind._

Once Roy was gone, Jean heaved himself up onto the bars on either side of his bed while his dead legs followed him, alien and void of strength. He was able to hold himself just long enough to see Mustang turn back briefly to look at his window, probably the only one left alight in the entire wing of the hospital, and walk through the cast iron gates and away from him.

_I'll always be waiting._

Havoc found himself staring toward the frosted glass for long after Roy was gone.

* * *

At one point, it had all seemed way to hard to comprehend, but now, as the physiotherapist supported him and made him use him arms to hold up his entire body weight, Jean found solace in the heavy strain of exhaustion.

Roy was doing his best, and he had to continue on as best as he could, too. He would catch up, bite down and help the best he could in the state he was coming to accept as the norm.

Endurance was nothing without purpose, and as Jean made his way inch by painful inch along the metal bars with warm encouragement, he remembered his Colonel.

"Good job, Jean! Take a break."

He was going to endure everything he encountered to find his way back home again.


End file.
